Overworked & Underpaid.

Monday, March 29, 2010 0 Comments A+ a-

Yeke?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hish, benci gile aku dengan dia! Aku tau la aku tak pandai. Aku tau la aku memang betul2 tak pandai!!! Aku tau la ko tuh bos aku... tapi kalo dengan aku je nak marah. Ok, aku manusia, aku buat silap gak. But I said sorry. I NEVER get a single sorry from you pun. Macam la ko tu perfect sangat! Buat salah gak kan? Tapi boleh je ignore.. ingat aku takde perasaan la? Dahtu kalo aku tatau satu bende.. cakap macam nak perli. Isk bengang nak mampos.

Dengan orang lain bukan main dia kiss-ass! Baik betul. Lembut, iya kan je semua. Dengan aku lain plak!!! Aku sorang je manusia yg dia marah. Aku tau la aku ni jawatan paling busuk dalam company ni. Tapi aku ada feeling jugak la! Aku pun nak marah gak! Sebab kau punye kesalahan!

Dulu aku ingat kalo aku resign sebab co. or sebab project ni mcm siot.. sekarang I don't think so kot. Kalo aku resign dalam masa terdekat ni, sebab aku takleh tahan kerja dengan dia. Dia buat aku down je sepanjang masa.

Yes, I can still smile at you. Make jokes with you. But I still hate you. For life.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010 0 Comments A+ a-

SANGAT tensen

Sad Sunday

Sunday, March 21, 2010 1 Comments A+ a-

Saye tak suke diri saye sebab saye sangat emotional. Saye cepat sangat suke kat orang, dan sekarang bila dah ada cerita orang tu macam takkan bekerja dengan saya lagi, saye rasa sedih.

Sigh =(

And staying at home alone on a weekend definately doesn't help. I need to get out.. maybe go for a drive around KL. And of course, stop for some food.

Work, you'll be on pause today.

Oh hey, I made it through a whole week tanpa begaduh. This is a world record. Hehe

Yeay!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010 0 Comments A+ a-

Dah 2 hari tak begaduh. Bagus, dude. Bagus. 2 hari.

Kekalkan! Ingat, sabar & kurangkan bercakap. You'll be fine.

Harap2 esok semuanya selamat...

=)

Sabar, dan sabar lagi

Monday, March 15, 2010 2 Comments A+ a-

Sabar, dude... sabar...

Dia pun under pressure gak tu.. dari boss dia & dari client...

Sabar... tarik napas..

All Out Of Love

Friday, March 12, 2010 0 Comments A+ a-

Releks, jangan begaduh. Focus untuk siapkan kerja.

Tarik nafas panjang2..... jangan begaduh. We started off good this morning. Keep it that way.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HejVjzhKTY

I'm lying alone with my head on the phone
Thinking of you till it hurts
I know you hurt too but what else can we do
Tormented and torn apart
I wish I could carry your smile and my heart
For times when my life feels so low
It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring
When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know

Chorus:
I 'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I 'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong

I want you to come back and carry me home
Away from this long lonely nights
I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too
Does the feeling seem oh so right
And what would you say if I called on you now
And said that I can't hold on
There's no easy way, it gets harder each day
Please love me or I'll be gone, I'll be gone

Chorus

Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?
Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?

Of NOT being a racist

Thursday, March 11, 2010 4 Comments A+ a-

Why must racism exist? Tak boleh ke kita hidup aman damai tanpa kira warna, bangsa, agama and any sort of difference?

I love the Petronas ad a few years back - Tan Hong Ming & Umi Tazrina. The two kids yg suka each other tu. Sooooooo adorable! Especially Tan Hong Ming. Comel gile.



Masa kecik, memang kita color blind. But as we grow older, dunia yg makin corrupted ni meng-corrupt kan minda kita. Banyak sangat perasaan marah, benci & tak boleh terima kepada something that is different from us. Pada aku la, sebab tu lah ramai sangat yg ala2 racist sekarang ni.

Kadang2 kalau aku geram & tensen, aku pun jadi bias jugak. But most of the time, no la. Pada aku takde apa issue yg race-related. Kalau dia buat kerja bagus, dia patut naik pangkat. Kalau dia cute, I'd go out with him/her (haha). To me, semuanya depends on the individual. Takde kaitan langsung dengan bangsa.

Mr. Ho tu sangat lah bias orangnya. Slalu jugak dia cakap dengan aku Melayu camtu, camni.. Aku dengar, bagi komen sikit dan biarkan je. Aku taknak la sampai begaduh kan? Altho skang ni pun mcm begaduh, tp pasal lain.. tak kene mengena dgn this issue. Dulu dia cakap "maybe" kat soalan aku, "So you like only Malaysian Chinese?". Lepastu dia sengih2. Hmmmm.. takpe2... Bias lah kau... kang terkena kau suke kat Melayu plak, padan muke.

Read : Cepatla suke kat aku!

Tu jek point aku sebenarnye. Tapi... aku masih benciiiiiiiiiiii kat dia. =P

_blank

Wednesday, March 10, 2010 2 Comments A+ a-

Oh diri sendiri, tolong lah banyakkan bersabar. Sabar... sabar... sabar!!!

Nak sabar tahap mana lagi eh.. rasanya ni dah sabar at the extreme dah ni. Tapi masih tak cukup lagi.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, Singapore support team called again. Asking me a whole lot of questions, and sound aku why aku tak setup dev machine in office, dev machine on site.. coz they're waiting and stuff. I can't tell them the truth, ok. My co. will look bad nanti.

Dah la case ni initially he-whom-i-loathe kata tak payah aku amik tau, then dia pass kat aku. And dev machine, big boss taknak beli windows lic, I've setup twice tapi still crash. And they're asking me why I tak setup dev machine..

I really don't have time. I've to complete kerja for the project which was like.. I don't know how to describe. Terribly banyak. And I've to attend to their consultant yg datang. I really don't know what to say to them...

If only they know how I suffered.... and how I'm suffering now.

Will there be an end to this?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Boleh ke aku tahan ni? Terlalu sedih. Terlalu sakit hati. Dah buat macam2, tapi bila every second of the day asyik kena marah, knowing that whatever I did was never good enuf. Never betul, asyik kena blame. Asyik kata salah...

Aku dah tak tau macam mana nak cakap. Semangat, confidence & everything else is at Level 0. Thank You, Mr. Ho. Thank you very much.

Ikutkan hati mmg nak resign this instant. Tapi takboleh la nak ikutkan hati. Semua orang kata sabar, tabah... sampai tahap mana lagi? Even I myself pun am telling me the same thing. Hang in there. Tapi....?

I don't know if I can get thru a day without being sad, miserable, tense.. and crying while doing work.

If I chat with u and I'm laughing, doesnt mean I'm happy. If u see me and I smile at u, doesnt mean I'm happy either. Whatever u see me doing, I'm not happy.

Aku terlalu sedih sekarang.

Never Knew I Needed

Tuesday, March 09, 2010 0 Comments A+ a-



I love Ne-yo! =)

Of being a nobody

Monday, March 08, 2010 2 Comments A+ a-

I wasn't involved at the initial stage, I wasn't even in the CC. I'm just the dummy they're using to get the job done.

But in the software punya support site, I'm the contact person for this. So when they call me and asked things about initial discussions, suggestions and what-nots.. I was clueless.

And when I talk to the-person-i-loathe-for-the-rest-of-my-life, dia mmg tak pernah nak ikut cakap aku. I told him the other party wants to know this and that, dia taknak. And then bila nak suruh aku buat apa2, ayat semua arahan yg buat aku sakit hati. Macam aku ni sampah.

"work on the URL/component to booking thing and also there's a support case on VA toolbar". Takde please, takde thank you. Lepastu dia kuar makan. Tak ajak aku langsung.

GILE SAKIT HATI.

Padahal case VA toolbar tu dia punya. Aku cakap dgn dia, last time aku nak tengok dia kata takyah, dia handle. Pastu skang soh aku plak. Dia cakap dia tak geti handle sbb support nak suruh hantar itu ini macam2 la. Aku tanya pesal tak cakap dgn aku, dia cakap too busy masa tu time nak roll-out.

Ye, semua kesalahan point balik kat aku.

Initially I didn't want to get involved with this project. Aku nak resign, but he kept giving me motivation plus he was being the nicest creature on earth kan.. So I stayed and buat this project for him. I stayed late, worked overtime.. all because of him.

Seriously, apa aku buat for this project.. semua for him. And not for the company, bcoz I know how my company is.

But I guess I was wrong. And now, aku sangat sakit hati. Walaupun skang kire baik jugak la dengan dia semula.. but I was so damn wrong about him.

I feel I want to resign this very instant. I'm SOOOOO DUMB!!! Can you just smack me in the face?! Oh no need. Reality checked in. I'm miserable now. Consider me being smacked in the face. Hard.

of NOT being in the office on a weekend

Saturday, March 06, 2010 2 Comments A+ a-

Bak kata Alicia Keys, I slept with a broken heart lah malam tadi. Tetiba bangun pagi rasa refreshed, and I really wanted to talk to him. So I called. Nasib baik ok. But then buat kerja, argue sikit itu ini.. but when done we're already laughing at each others joke.

But jangan ingat aku dah baik balik, ok. I still mean what I said in my post below.

Noon, I forced myself out to KLCC. I was hungry. For food and for some shopping. So had Japanese food @ foodcourt je la, then bought buku and magazine @ Kino and finally went crazy @ Marks & Spencer. Demit! Why do they have to have ALL the things that I like?! I bought 'em all!! Main mission is to buy sneakers. Last2 sneakers tak dapat, mende lain plak dibeli nya. Oh, I'm such a big spender! Matilah next month nak ke Jakarta dengan duit ape pun taktau!

Anyway, balik je dapat offline msg from him. Macam marah. Dunno. I feel like I want to talk to him face to face lah. I haven't really talked to him for like, 4 days now? This has to be the longest! I feel weird. I even feel weird not being in the office and do work.

Urghhh. I hate this feeling. But when we do work online from home, confirm begaduh!! I hate that even more.

This is so confusing.

Friday, March 05, 2010 0 Comments A+ a-

I LOATHE YOU FOR LIFE, YOU SELFISH #@^%&^*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hatiku Terluka

Friday, March 05, 2010 0 Comments A+ a-

Bagaimana mengubati hati yg duka lara? (Cewah)

Shopping & chocolate.

I'm going to have some of both over the weekend... I hope!

Wondering If Someday You'll Come Back To Me

Friday, March 05, 2010 4 Comments A+ a-

Now that I'm slowly becoming normal again, I wonder...

where my camera is..?
where my hand lotion is..?
where my new socks are..?
where are the rest of my anak tudungs..?
when I'm going to charge my Nokia phone that has been dead since November 09..?
what's playing in the cinema..?
can I really stand 2 hours in the cinema without being restless..?
can I stand being stuck in traffic..?
if I still enjoy social-networking with friends..?

Hehe, sorry but being in a non-human phase where I didn't answer calls, email, texts.. are somewhat giving me a peace of mind.

Oh, and I wonder if I can still remember how to use Facebook.

=P

Kebencian melanda

Thursday, March 04, 2010 0 Comments A+ a-

Oh benci nyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!
rasa cam nak pegi tampar je dia.

isk isk iskkkk

sakit hati.

Dear Mr. Ho,

Thursday, March 04, 2010 2 Comments A+ a-

I know I've given you enough trouble, and you've always backed me up. I'm sorry, and thank you very much for all that you've done.

I am only human. A weak one. I'm not super like you. Or our other colleague, who has helped us very much in this project.

But it kinda hurts when you "yelled" at me the other day. I know you're very much stressed having to face the users and the project manager on site. I'm sorry. But it really hurts, ok. It's too sad when I was working hard for your sake, but not being appreciated, instead being accused of not doing work. As a human being, when we work around the clock, sometimes we do get headache. And it was making me sick. I guess that wasn't acceptable for you, isn't it? It's ok, I'll try to ignore anything that hurts in me from now on. Finishing my work, so your work will also get completed, is no. 1 priority for me now.

The earlier days you became my boss, you were the sweetest creature on earth & it looks as if you were sincere. Now.. hmmm.. i think you're just doing it coz you have to, maybe because your bosses check up on you? It just doesn't seem to come from the heart.

It's ok anyway. I can take care of myself, like I always do. But work-wise, I still need you to take care of me & this project. You're the most important person here.

For now, I don't feel like being friends with you. Let's just stick with being a boss and a regular, nobody, non-important staff.

* P/S: Looking at the beautiful moon now makes me feel miserable.