PMS much?

Hi.

I'd like to introduce you to... me.

I am a girl. Yes, a girl has her day off a week every month. And before that time comes, we have these syndromes that shows that it's coming.

In my case, I eat. Not only that, I can get very, VERY emotional... and best of all, a huge zit. Of all three, the zit is the least of my concern.

My signs struts its stuff every month without miss, but not the actual menstrual thing. No. It's been like this since the first time it started. I think I've missed 2 for the last months. I don't mind that, but what I mind is my eating disorder.

Since the 2, I've gained close to 10kgs. I'm aware of the swelling, but I can't help but eat. I find comfort in eating, but I despise it afterwards.

I think it's because of this, and the fact that I am at a stage of super emo... that I dream of my baby. Hahaha. Ye, I have a baby in dreamland. When I was younger, I kept dreaming of ghosts. Being chased by ghosts and even becoming one. For the past year or so, that kind of dreams disappear, and dreams of being pregnant takes place.

But 2 nights ago, that dream of being pregnant rasa macam real pulak. I can feel the love for the baby, but it ended suddenly sbb I woke up shivering, sejuk tak pakai selimut. A whole hour after that I couldn't sleep coz I kept thinking of the baby. I laughed because it's stupid, I cried coz I missed it. So I was out of mood since then. I kept hoping she'll be back in my dreams last night but no, I slept like a log.

Today, totally zero mood. Not in the mood to work, talk or eat, surprisingly. Sebab perut makin besar lah ni sampai mimpi ada baby kat dalam! Cis!

Tapi I wanted to do something else today. I wanted to go to UM and apply for a Graduate Programme in Education. I wanted to realize my childhood dreams of studyinig in USM and becoming a teacher. Yup, aku seorang yg kuno. Bukan orang moden. I even wanted to confess my feelings kat a certain someone. I wanted to change my life, coz I'm tired of it.

And I decided to call it, The Baby Effect.

Yet I'm still here, in the office, sitting quietly and hoping I can just disappear from the face of the earth. Maybe I can go find my baby in dreamland.

Anyway, it's stupid. It's nothing. It's "whatever-major-loser" from the beginning.

But that's just me.