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As usual, dah lama tak tulis. It's 2017 now. Time definitely flies.

Not much of travel plans this year. Not going anywhere since I've completely ran out of money & I'm super packed with work. At least until December 2017. Looks like I can say goodbye to some extra days of Hari Raya leave. Blerghhh!

NO new year's resolution this year. Seriously I was so caught up by tonnes of work since the end of last year that I did not have time to think of this silly thing. Tahun-tahun sebelum ni tak pernah tercapai pun, so biarkan je lah.

Chillax je kita this year okay... ;)

Usually at the office, when we don't have anything to do... we don't have anything to do.
But when we DO have something to do... we have EVERYTHING to do.

Right now I'm the former. And you betcha I'm bored.

Oh, the best thing happened to me earlier during the day. So I'm currently obsessed with this brand of lipstick called DIDA & they announced yesterday that they were going to restock this nude lip color they called "Lust" at 12pm. So by 11am I have logged myself in to the website, have 1 additional "Fondue" colored lipstick in my shopping cart & refreshing the site every now & then. By 11.40am, I think, Lust was available. And so I added to my cart! Believe me, I contemplated to buy. Thought about it twice, then decided to just go for it.

And then sometime around 2pm I logged in to their Instagram page & saw that they announced Lust was sold out 30mins after it was launched. God that was fast! Lucky I completed my purchased before the clock even strike 12pm. Hooray! So now I have 3 colors - Posh (red), Lust (nude) & Fondue (brown). Raya 2016 is gonna have my lips all over, I tell ya!

....and then from then on it was boredom, boredom & more boredom.

Signing off now to browse some recipe for buka puasa. Oh which reminds me of another good news :
I can now cook Malay food! A lot of fuss, but I made it! Yeay ME! :)

Do you sometimes think that you have no idea what you're doing?

Well, I do. I mean, I get this feeling all the time.

I actually don't know what I'm doing in my life. There are those who have this life goals & know exactly what they want to do & what they want to achieve at certain points in their lives. Obviously I'm not one of them. I envy these humans. They have their lives all figured out. They must live a happy life.

Oh it's not like I'm not happy but I'm not ecstatic either. I'm just... a blank.

A blank whom feels happy when she's with her family members & close friends. A blank whom is stressed out when facing office work. A blank whom heart is filled with sadness when she's glancing over at her love life.

I guess the most depressing part is the work part. This is where the blank goes top max BLANK. I have been stuck with this job for as long as I lived. I remember putting in "Programmer" & "System Analyst" to my secondary school application when the school was about to divide students according to different streams. This means that I have actually been where I wanted to be back then. But now that I've been here for about 14 years now, I want to get out of it.

Get out & go to what?
That's a good question. I have no idea.

Anybody's open to give me some suggestions, btw. Thanks in advance.

So what do you do on a 1-day break in the middle of the week?

1) You sleep.

2) You watch loads of TV.

3) You sleep.

4) Spend some quality bonding time with your best friend, The Couch.

5) You sleep.

6) You go out to the nearest shop possible to do some shopping for your household needs.

7) You sleep.

8) You do your laundry.

9) You sleep.

10) You sleep.

I wish there's 1 off day every week, in the middle of the week. It's very much needed for every single human being in the whole wide world.

I'm just gonna give out this heart o'mine for everyone.

It's Ramadhan, it's THE best month ever. It's a good month to spread the love & give sadaqah. Even if it's not Ramadhan, it's good to continue on with the love-spreading & sadaqah-giving tradition.

Loads of Love,
Scabbers.

March was way hectic. Between projects after projects that needed to be attended to at the office, and settling my "loss of use" claim from the 3rd party insurance (it's a ridiculously low amount of money that they're offering me, but at least I get some), and going shopping here & there to buy stuff to bring for family in UK.

Got sick for at least 2 whole weeks! I tell ya, it was helluva month! Alhamdulillah I managed to survive.

And now it's only 2 days away from my UK trip. Tomorrow's my last day of work. I am going to have myself a very quiet 2 1/2 weeks in Tetbury. My phone's gonna be turned off, so if you need me... well, better find yourself another person.

Toodles! See ya in May, after my birthday party in the UK!

Yep, I've been gone for TWO whole years. I ran out of things to say because life just got more & more complicated.

So I guess I'm here again, I'll try to post as much as I can.
So, see ya!

I promised myself I'd write about 2013, but since it's already 2014, I am just gonna leave it at that. But in conclusion of 2013, it was the year where everything happened.

I mean, EVERYTHING. All jammed up in 12 months. The busiest year by far in my 31 years of living.

And as I search in this blog, I couldn't find my resolutions for 2013. Guess because I couldn't bother to make one, and it kept changing as the days went by anyway.

So this year, 2014, I have simplified my resolutions. I believe it's going to be achievable. Here we go:

My resolutions for 2014
1. Read & finish at least 100 books.
2. Have at least RM10,000.00 in hand.
3. Lose at least 10kg.

Those are to be achieved by 31 December 2014. And self, please update this blog of your achievements. If you manage to complete all 3, you deserve a pat in the back. And you deserve a trip to Morocco.

Happy new year, all. May your year be filled with love & joy.

:)

Day 1 - 2 pinggan nasi & meat for lunch.
- Chill out minum2 at a cafe

Day 2 - Getting some sweat on
- Drive, talk, sing-along sessions, laugh

Day 3 - More driving, more talk, more singing

Day 4 - Travel, snap pictures, talk, laugh, sing

Day 5 - More singing, more talking, more goofing around
- Awesome chill out session
- Kambing sampai pening
- THE best day

Day 6 - Laugh. Bye.

My journey starts today. Some people say it's those times where you want to "find" yourself. I am found, I just need a break & I want to be alone. And I want to be close to the person I miss most.

* Get ahold of yourself, Jihan. Don't cry in public. *

In a way, I'm going back to a part of my roots. I really hope I can set my feet there. I miss him a lot. I've been seeing his face ever since the beginning of the year. But I can't be close enough, so I'm trying to breathe the air that he once breathed.

* Oh shucks. I'm already in tears. *

This is going to be one emotional journey.

------------------------------------------------------------------

As of this morning, I've met Encik Mohd Aziz, a taxi driver, and a Tabligh. Alhamdulillah I had myself a good muslim driver. It was 4.30am & I was alone, so it was scary. Anyway, he talked to me about Sunnah, how to live it & threw some questions that I stuttered to answer.

Happy, energetic young Indian boys welcomed & helped me onto the bus. How can you be so cheerful so early in the morning? Have you had extra dose of coffee or something? Oh the young ones..

Reached the airport at 6am wanting to feed myself some Coffee Bean breakfast set which I love, but they're out of stock. So had to chow down chicken puff & a cup of coffee. 20 bucks, man! Add a little ore and I'll have myself that nice breakfast set I long for.

And now here I am, still in Coffee Bean, in the calmer part of the airport. Sitting right under the brightest light in the store. Using the airport's Wifi and minding my own business.

I'll write soon. Nature's calling.

I've been away. Yes, I have.

Away with a broken heart. An almost-broken hope. And a broken smartphone.

Maybe I'll be back, maybe I won't. Am going away for a while. I need a break.

Oh goodness, this blog has been abandoned for so long! Been busy with work. Or I may just be too lazy to even write a line.

Anyway, I've been monitoring my life from the outside of my own skin. It wrecks, of course, as I'm writing at 2am on a Monday morning in the office - but let's not go into that. Let's talk about being - what else - single in your 30s.

Seriously tho, I'm not a picky person. At least I don't use to be when I was younger. As I see a lot more of human behaviors, I became one. And at this age, frankly I don't really care. I may not be financially stable. I may not have enough money to support my own self, let alone Mummy & Makton, but hey - I'm sure everything will turn out fine, InsyaAllah.

So at this age, with half of the male species are married with children and the other half is gay.. chances are I"m gonna stuck alone forever. But please don't get emotional over this & try to put some motivational words to me - as I said to Pizli - motivation can suck itself.

From what I see now, I could get married & start a family, but it would be out of convenience. I mean, like in movies where they marry based on a contract? Yeah. Like that. With benefits to both parties & the agreed-upon prenups. Just an example - maybe if we constantly travel together, having parents in the same hometown, about to be homeless & trying to find a decent house to live in...

I don't mind that. Why would I? It would save me some money. And assuming the guy's not gay, I could finally get some. I'm sure you get what I mean.

I do NOT want somebody who:
1. Is selfish.
2. Does not respect the elders, especially my Mummy & Makton.
3. Wears a t-shirt with the collar up.
4. Likes to wear matching outfits.
5. Spits in public.
6. Goes overboard (in fashion, esp) to impress god-knows-who *rolles eyes*.
7. Too much into politics.
8. Talks about politics too loud with strangers beside him in a flight & thinks that he's opinions are the best.
9. Does not know how to drive.
10. Is a vegetarian.
11. Is a womanizer (but believe me if he is, he wouldn't even glance my way).
12. Is prettier than I am & wants to get "perfect" physically.
13. Has anger issues.
14. Is not a believer of any religion.
15. Can't do anything & makes me do everything.
16. Keeps secrets from me.
17. Ask for money on the 1st date.
18. Constantly broke.
19. Give bad comments on everything I pick - food, clothes, etc. And of course, thinks that his opinions are the best.
20. Wear white pants.
21. Drives a car with a huge & very loud boombox.
22. Drives a pink-colored car. Or yellow. Or any other striking colors that has been pimped.
23. Unhygienic.
24. Talks a lot. A WHOLE LOT.

I don't think that's all there is - it'll build up along the way.

So looking at things, it seems like I'm not gonna get it, yeah? I guess not.

Also, I watched a TV drama recently - Scandal. Olivia Pope told his ex-husband / fiance that maybe she likes fire & pain in her relationship. Not the exact words la, but you get the picture. Well maybe, just maybe, I am somewhat like her. Maybe I don't like the conventional relationship. Maybe I like what I can't have - explanation to why married men appear to be blueberry cheesecake before my eyes.

Note that I say blueberry cheesecake, and not chocolate cake? Because that's a reserved cake for my current married-man-crush-who-is-also-may-going-to-be-my-future-boss. Haha.

Oh and plus, all my life, I've never expressed my true feelings to any men. I just look from afar, became their good friend who listens & eventually everybody goes off with somebody else.

Ah. That's all for now. Problem with server, Maybank IT guy can't fix it, have to wait til tomorrow, yadda yadda... and I'm off for sahur at home. With my beloved emptiness.

Toodles!

I have been smiling a lot lately. I am happier. Although, not entirely.

The thing is, since I've been like this, there's a whole lot of questions & assumptions coming from my friends & family.

Yeah, I said it - family. As if they don't know me la?

What is up with all that, dude? Come on, can't I just be happy on my own? Does the "boyfriend" question really have to be questioned?

No, I'm not angry. I'm just letting everybody thinks what they wanna think. If you assume I have a special someone, then yes, I do. If you think that I am in love, then yes, I am! And if you're guessing if I am going steady with that Indonesian guy, or that Johorian guy, by all means, I am with both.

Puas hati?

Time will reveal the truth. Eventually, when everybody sees that nothing is happening to me (read: getting married / getting engaged), they will get off my back.

And yeah, that smile you see when I'm Whatsapp-ing & those lovey-dovey tweets that you're reading... that may be part of the plan.

Saya rasa hendak hempaskan sesuatu. Baling, campak, buang, pijak, pecahkan, koyakkan.. dengan sepenuh hati. Tembak sesuatu sehingga ia berkecai tak boleh disatukan lagi. Lepastu mandi dengan air sejuk bersama sabun mandi yg wangi dan syampoo yg lembut dan menyegarkan.

Kemudian pegi ke tepi pantai yg sunyi dari orang ramai, seorang diri, menangis semahu2nya. Sampai kering air mata. Lepastu balik rumah, turn off all the lights, layan funny movie dan ketawa terbahak2 sambil minum Coke. Last skali tidur dengan nyenyak selama 12 jam.

Sekian.

Hopefully bulan puasa ni takde sape yg akan make my blood go upstairs. I'm learning to tolerate to Mr. Ho hoping that I won't fall sick for no reason like the other day.

They finally give me a colleague to help out. Hooray! He's rajin, but I've yet to teach him into depth the software we're customizing. He does not get on my nerves, unlike the other guy who is currently helping out with another module.

I told him a thousand times and still he gave me the same answer. He thinks he's always right and so damn hard to take my advice on how to do things. I want things my way, ok. I have very strong reasons for them, and I know the project well. Tapi punye la dia degil mak aihhhh!!! And this is not the 1st time, but when I asked him what file he updated, he just said "You can check in the SVN, there's updated date".

WTF are you thinking, man! Why in the world do you think I need your help if I don't have anything to do. Yes I can take the files from SVN, our coding repository, but is it so hard for you to list out the files you've changed? I'm suspecting that he thinks I have nothing to do but to sit around my pc and click "Update" every few seconds, just to see which file got updated. Like, seriously dude. Masa aku MC haritu I was working all day at home. I even went online on my YM since early morning. He called me at 6.30pm (I'm guessing after Mr. Ho asked him to call me since I baru report things to Mr. Ho at that time) and told me kerja dia dah siap dah. Sounds sarcastic la, but how the hell do I know when he didn't even update me? Email takde, offline msgs takde, call takde, sms pun takde. And when I wanted to take the file, I saw dia check-in pukul 11.30 am. Can you believe that!!! And then bila aku update, ada error. Memang sangat tensen. All the while he could've solve the error kan? And he knows well that the next day ada UAT on that module. If you give me a pen in front of him that day, I probably poked him in the head 1st thing. Geram!

I want things to work out well in every possible browser you can have, ok. He kept insisting that his IE is ok, and kinda make faces if I report to him Firefox is not. I mean, come on! This project that I'm doing is different from his earlier project, which is a bank. Like, totally lain punya environment la..

Hell, I downloaded most of the browsers for this ok. I upgraded to IE8, Mozilla 3.6, Chrome, Seamonkey, Safari.. I had Netscape, but unistalled it later bcoz masa tu takde space & tak cukup memory kot. Was clearing things off from my laptop. And from time to time we check on XP, Vista, Windows 7.. and even set up a virtual machine to check on the almost-obsolete IE6 SP2 on a specific XP SP2. Mr. Ho never updated his IE7 just because of this.

Dem. Earlier on when he was about to start helping out with things, I gave him some briefing and instructions tapi dia susah betul lah nak terima. Sampai aku tatau ape nak cakap, aku naik marah, and last2 aku suruh Mr. Ho helped out. And today Mr. Ho told me that guy is having a hard time understanding his instructions that finally dia tell me of the changes.

Taktau la ape. Mungkin dia ego. He's in a Senior position la. Chinese guy. Maybe dia susah nak terima hakikat that a Malay girl, who is NOT a senior, giving him instructions.

* Sigh *

I hope I can bersabar. And I kinda miss Mr. Ho coz he's all the way in Sepang whole day today. Haha. Esok appraisal pulak dengan dia. Whatever la. Kalau bigbos tak bagi aku naik Senior, aku bakar ofis.

=P

pizli: jgn marah2.. nnt sakit

ye, aku dah sakit skang ni. this time mmg aku pelik kenapa aku leh demam. aku main ujan hari sabtu. was totally fine on sunday & monday, but semalam dalam lif tetiba aku batuk. ha. pastu terus takleh stop. and by 7.30pm i was dizzy & cold & sneezing.

and today, badan dah panas, pala otak dah pusing & dah start rasa mual2.

Pizli, pls dont curse me. I wasn't mad at u. I was mad at somebody else!

Wormtail : Please, dude. Stop it. Sudah-sudah la tu... Kembali lah ke pangkal jalan. Jangan la fikir, ok?!

Scabbers : Yea, I know! I'm hating it.

Wormtail : And wipe that stupid grin off your face. It's so totally nothing, ok. Besides, you know what's gonna happen next.

Scabbers : * blank face *

Wormtail : Once a liar, always is....

On the other side of my twisted world, Mummy came over and cleaned up my closet. Horay! Means I can renew my wardrobe minus the guilt! The hangar in my almari jatuh like, a month ago.. and I did nothing about it. Coz I don't really use the baju inside - baju kurung & formal shirts. I wear the same t-shirt over and over again to office, and I kinda dump them in another place after dia kering lepas basuh. Harhar.

So Mummy brought back most of'em (4 huge black-beg-pasltik-sampah of them), and now my almari is clear! Not to say clear per se, but WAYYYY less clothes than before. Hehe. I told Mummy she could have any of the shirts she can fit in for herself, and others bagi Cousin Yati in case somebody out there is in an emergency dan takde apa untuk dipakai. Note that all my baju is in good condition, ok. I'd throw away if they're not. Or Mummy would gladly make them "gombal" a.k.a kain lap.

So a huge THANK YOU to Mak for taking away a whole chunk of guilt, before I put in new ones. But Mak, you forgot the other smaller almari where pants, baju tidur, long-sleeved t-shirts & sweaters are. Oh well, I guess next time.

And the other best thing was buying Man Pik & Bik Kaseh a laptop. Dude! It was the greatest feeling! Although I am left with an absolutely empty account at the bank, I feel good about it. Haha, no la. Mummy, Mak Ton & Mak Leha are gonna pay me back! The 4 of us shared, as a gift to Mummy's youngest sibling. Nak tambah best lagi, brader yg jual tu ingat aku nih student. Or probably he said that just to be polite.

I heart you, brader! U da man! =)

Oh and Inception is cool. Kinda boring when it gets to "the wife" part, all the reminiscence and stuff... but I love the 2nd-level of the dream where there's no gravity. Although I do not like Leonardo DiCaprio, they made it up to me with Joseph Gordon-Levitt, so I guess its alright.

All in, it's a great weekend for me. Minus the fact that my Desire had to go in the clinic again.. everything else is good (note that weekend starts on Saturday and NOT Friday nite). Thanks to Baskin-Robbins and their 31% discount on the 31st of the month.

Saya berjanji untuk terus pulang ke rumah hari ini, tanpa menikmati makan malam bersama.

(Janji no. 1 masih dikekalkan. Hooray!)

I made a promise to Arin that I'm not gonna write anything about him until Friday. And I won't text/call her about it either.

But I didn't promise Pizli or Dahlia or Hadzrul.

And I scratched my baby on her birthday yesterday. * Sad! * =(

Happy 6th Birthday, my dear Kelisa!!!

I love you! I love you! I love you!

You are the best car anybody could ask for.

* Hugs & kisses!! *

miscellaneous

Welcome, 2017.

Killing Boredom

The Idea of Life

A Light On A Wednesday

To Whom Do You Give Your Heart To?

Hectic March

The Continuation

Welcome, 2014.

Raya Haji 2013 Trip

Day 1 - Pre departure

Good bye?

I think I'd name this post "Random stuff about me"

Smile, it's sunnah.

Perasaan Saya

New Members of the Clan

sick like, again!

I Wanna Go Sleep Already!

Janji x 2

Janji Tinggal Janji

Happy Birthday!

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