The message

Arwah Bapak came into my dreams last night. It was in my old school back in Muar - Sekolah Convent. I was a teacher there, and he was the principle.

He was old, as old as he was when I last saw him. I knew it won't be long before he had to leave me. The whole day at school I followed him around, coz I know I'll miss him when he's gone. And then at dusk that day he told me he'll be passing on. I hugged him tight. I didn't want to let go, but I had to.

And then I stood by him until he vanished. Immediately I was awaken by azan Subuh.

The weird thing is, the whole morning before I got to work, I kept thinking of him. I feel like I haven't spoken to him in ages. I missed him. But the fact that he scolded me in his texts made it worse. Even if it's my fault. I wasn't in the mood to talk, eat, or work.

Imagine having to deal with your already-heavy-PMS-emotions, and all of these came along. At one point I had to pause and went crying my eyes out in the loo. I came back in the office red-eyed, all the time looking down at the floor and wishing nobody would want to talk to me. Thank goodness nobody did.

Anyway...

Maybe Bapak came back to wake me up from my slumber. Maybe Bapak was trying to say that he's not happy because I haven't given him du'as. Maybe Bapak was saying that I'll be joining him soon. Maybe Bapak misses me.

For whatever reason you came, Bapak, thank you.

And I miss you. I miss you so much.

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O Allah! Forgive him and have Mercy on him and give him strength and pardon him. Be generous to him and cause his entrance to be wide and wash him with water and snowand hail. Cleanse him of his transgressions as white cloth is cleansed of stains. Give him an abode better than his home, and a family better than his family and a wife better than his wife. Take him into Paradise and protect him from the punishment of the grave(and of the fire)
[Muslim; 2:663]

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