Imam

Salam 1414 Hijrah.

Harini sambut tahun baru kat surau Menara Maybank. Imam nya, ntah siapa but sounds local. I know I'm not supposed to judge, but I've had better imams. Imam ni macam dalam dunia dia sendiri.

Tapi the thing that comes to my mind when I realized that I was judging the imam was - betapa berat nya tanggungjawab orang lelaki. Dia yg kena jadi imam. Mendahului punya lah ramai umat yg ikut cakap dia, ikut perbuatan dia. Jadi role model.

And then, of course, pilihan lelaki for myself. Kalau ada rezeki for me to find my man, InsyaAllah, I want him to be able to lead dengan baik. Saya mahukan imam untuk diri & keluarga saya.

Writing this post, I've actually judged a lot of people. Those I may know or may not know. Mungkin tidak ditulis, tapi terlintas di kepala. It's called judging nonetheless.

Ok, balik nanti doa mintak ampun.

It's OK if I am the only one who cares. It's OK if nobody cares about me.

This is how I am built.

Eventually, the heartache will just go away.

As it turned out, I was right about being right.

And it sucks.

Stop trying to put two and two together, Jhn. The result will always makes you angry & broken-hearted.
So people lie.

What else is new?

To bestfriend or not to bestfriend?

Semalam ke kedai buku Popular @ Ampang Point dengan tujuan membeli sebuah novel Melayu - Untuk Awak Teja Aulia. (not to mention the fact that I had an appointment with Hamzah, who accompanied me for dinner later)

Ternampak Dahlia upload gambar buku tu di Facebook. Terbaca sinopsis nya, terus di-Google & pasang niat untuk membeli. I know for a fact that kedai buku Popular tu memang jual a whole load of novel Melayu, and it turned out good - jumpa buku tu selepas pusing 4-5 kali di rak-rak buku sambil handphone di tangan, buka Google page on the book. Nak tengok tajuk, penulis, publisher & whatnots.

Dibawah section Novel Remaja.

Kawan-Kawan Yang Kita Suka

Just 5 months of my being 30 and I'm already having "the time of my life". A bit corny, but yeah. Whatever.

I'm meeting a whole lot of new people, and trying out different things in life. Not so interesting as you expect it to be lah, obviously.

The most recent activity I had was going to a theater. Semua nya bermula dengan Encik Spermajalang kita ni. Lain kali jangan heret aku ke sana ke mari lah. Segan aku dibuatnya. Tapi, thanks. I had fun. :)

*hugs*

So anyway, I went because I've never seen a theater performance before. Plus, I really wanna meet this so-called friend of Spermajalang's - Karl Shafek. Hari-hari jumpa this group of people yang keep mentioning his name. And of course, me being "katak bawah tempurung" to our entertainment scene, memang tak kenal lah siapa jejaka kacak itu.



*hugs to all of you!*

I was ditched by Spermajalang (nasib baik la aku geti bawak diri sensorang. kalo tak ada yg menangis dlm gelap mlm tadi) lepas tepukan gemuruh diberikan oleh penonton kepada the cast & crew. Sempat bersalaman & congratulate them on a job well done.

One thing I have to say, aku agak seram melihatkan kebanyakan yang datang mengambil gambar sambil berpelukan. Maaf, saya bukan nak berlagak alim, tapi saya just orang kampung yg masih terkejut dalam bandar. So I was kinda nervous when Spermajalang asked if I wanna take picture with Karl Shafek. Tapi everything turned out fine. Pheww!

Enough socializing. Let's see what's in store for me next.

Whatevs

"Men are all the same", says the saying. And I said that too. Many times.

And as it turned out, yes, men ARE all the same.

I'm going gay.

Raya with a heartbreak

Personal problems, family problems, work problems.

Complications, complications & more complications.

Sad news are looming over my life right now.

Post -

Forget it. It's no use.

Sale

Sometimes I'm glad that I'm always alone. Because then I can elakkan myself from jual jubah & kuih raya di dalam surau.

8

Sibuk being sick, terlupa nak wish my beloved car a happy birthday. She's 8 now. But don't worry, I've hugged her.

Best car ever! Semoga panjang umur dalam kesihatan yg baik.

Flowers in the attic

Bunga dah banyak yg mekar dlm taman.

Tapi kena jaga2 jugak, sebab kalau ada disease, habislah musnah semua bunga2 tu in one shot.

Jadi, try not to have flowers dalam taman tu ok?

Of having a good looking client

Harini ada meeting lagi dengan client.

Please let me be stable enough to look him in the eye & proceed with our discussion. Kalo asyik tersengih2 bila cakap dgn dia, mmg memalukan kaum.

His firm-ness of mind & making decisions are turning me on.

:)

:(

:))

:((

:")

Chivalry is still safe

Just like any other girl, I love to be treated like a princess. Not to say "being spoilt", mind you, but more of being treated nicely.

I like men who are a gentleman. Who are chivalric.

My Project Manager & his brother are one of the examples. They get on my nerves, yes, but personally, they are such gentleman. The types who helped a "damsel in distress". Who opens the door for me. Who got out from the lift 1st to-make-sure-everything's-safe-on-the-outside for me. Who makes sure it's safe to cross the road. Their parents & the 5 elder sisters sure teach them well.

Not to say that I'm not capable to do things myself, but it's the feeling of having someone respect & protect you that makes it more.. pleasant? There's just something that attracts me to these kinds of people. And yes, there are a lot of them out there. Thank goodness!

I don't know why, but from what I see & experienced, Ang Mohs are more gentleman-like compared to Asian men.

Apesal eh?

Purify Your Soul

:'(

"When you lose someone you love, they never really leave you. They just moved to a special place in your heart"

Meat Maniac

"Ko katne? Jom dinner burger bakar kat tmpt @pizlimw ckp tu. Aku stuck dlm jem kt tun razak ni"


... came a tweet from Spermajalang yesterday evening, as if I just posted my location on his GPS. I was, too, stuck in a jam in KL Tower, heading towards Bukit Bintang. Obviously food comes first, so I cancelled my 7 o'clock appointment (which I was sure to NOT gonna make it, looking at the traffic) and agreed to food.



After powdering up, we were off to Sungai Ramal Food Junction. Ordered Satay Willy - I've heard good reviews about it & wanted to try. And very highly recommended grilled burger from Abang Burn.




I love the chicken satay from Willy, but not so much of the beef tho. The gravy is OK. I normally would slurp away the gravy or have a spoon just so I can have extra dip with the satay, but I do have a reputation to hold up to, ok. I can't show the public of how ugly I can get.

We waited a long while for our burgers to come. After about 20mins, I went to ask. Turned out our burgers were ready. It's just that they had our table number wrong. Oh well. Guess we had to munch the cold burger anyway. It was HUGE! Thickest meat I've ever had.


I was having trouble finishing it. Spermajalang managed to finish it in a cool & calm manner. Or maybe he was just covering his act in public, we never know. By the time I had my 3rd bite, I was full. Like, seriously full. I was numb from the full-ness, it's like there's no oxygen that went thru my head, I was dizzy, blurry & I can't think straight.

It was ugly. But, satisfying nonetheless. I'm definitely going back :)

Women Issues

Specifically Premenstrual Syndrome. Which every women have to deal with every single month. It's tiring, believe me.

S.O.S

Saya perlu diselamatkan.

Kepada Spermajalang yg akan datang ke pejabat saya esok, diminta untuk selamatkan saya.

Terima kasih in advance, kau adalah satu2nya kawan aku :).

Picking Up The Pieces

My dear friend Addini asked me, "Why do guys like those bitchy girls?". I have to agree with her on this. But it works both ways. Girls like bad guys too.

Those who ignore, those who give commands, having demands every too often & well.. you know the type. And we, who are "the friend" or the "insignificant other" who is a normal human being, has always been there when needed, who acknowledge their needs, a good child to our parents, and I guess you could say well mannered - are being ignored.

We are The Invisibles.

Friendship

Ok, yea. I get it that the title is a bit corny, but just bear with  me on this.

3 friends (I am so NOT gonna use the word "besties") on an evening out in One Utama. A big thank you, and a mind hug, goes out to Spermajalang for the free sushi buffet dinner @ Shogun! It's been months since Dahlia & I had our 30th birthday, but this dashing man-of-his-words still give us gifts.



Kak Ngah & Abg Amir (Dahlia's sister & husband) joined us for the movie. They were all matcy-matchy in pink. Aaaawww.. so sweet!

The movie was not that good, tho. I like the gruesome killings, but I HATE when the vampires jump out of nowhere with ugly faces. It's 3D, ok! Damn you, vampires! Thank goodness I sat beside Dahlia, I was practically hugging her when I get all jumpy. It wasn't that scary I guess, but I just recently had an "experience" in my bedroom so it was kinda still in my head. Get what I mean?

And yea, I was having trouble sleeping afterwards. Waking up in the middle of the night & stuff. But I made it through morning. Thank goodness.

So all in all, very good day out. Good company, good food. What else can you ask for?

:)

Selected Few

I linked my Blogger profile to Google profile, and so everybody in my Google list (if they are rajin enuff) can see the list of blogs that I have.

Budak Kampung

Congratulations to Spermajalang for having a blog! I may never know what's the significance of Bedak Nyonya & travel, but I click anyway --> http://bedaknyonya.blogspot.com

Caught up in laziness, I haven't written about my recent visit to Parit Jawa with cousin Nur, Fatin & Syami. Let me call it Exploring Muar - a mission I had when I first came to know about Pantai Leka from a friend of mine on Instagram. It's basically a fishing village where the air is filled with the smell of dried fish. Yikes!



Very relaxing environment with ah pek sitting down by the banks having conversation and families having drinks at the small shop nearby. Youngsters with huge cameras-hanging-down-their-necks positioning themselves in weird ways, trying to capture the "moment". Local youngsters of boys and girls flirting on their motorcycles (yea, you better snatch one while somebody wants you!) giggling over some so-called-funny-jokes.  A lot of boats & herons, I guess. Sunset is beautiful, as always.



All in all, I'd say it's an OK place to go for a nice evening out with the family. For now I'm still loving Bandar Maharani's own Tanjung Ketapang.

On my next Exploring Muar activities, will head over to Sri Menanti - Pantai Mesra. Can't wait!

Pissed

Bila ada kepentingan, baik lah.

Bila takda, macam sampah.

Yang Terdalam

Kulepas semua yang ku inginkan 
Tak akan ku ulangi 
Maafkan jika kau kusayangi 
Dan bila kumenanti 

Pernahkah engkau coba mengerti 
Lihatlah ku disini 
Mungkinkah jika aku bermimpi 
Salahkah tuk menanti 

Takkan lelah 
Aku menanti 
Tak hilang 
Cintaku ini 
Hingga saat kau tak kembali 
Kan kukenang di hati saja 

Kau telah tinggalkan 
Hati yang terdalam 
Hingga tiada cinta 
Tersisa dijiwa

Gah!

I'm planning & imagining my extravagant future.

Just because I do not like the current.

Secretum

There are some things you just keep to yourself. Things that you don't want to tell even your very best friend in the whole world. Things that has no importance to others. Things that are too personal.

Things that would die together with you, buried 6 feet under.

I do have this kind of secret. And it's only between me & my heart.

Minced heart

It's awkward. It's heart-breaking.

It sucks REALLY bad.

XOXO

My girlfriends & I didn't talk about boys back then in high school. But we are making up for lost times.

I am thankful I have girlfriends whom I can share my problems & happiness with. Travel with. And the best-est thing about girlfriends, they are totally honest & you can be yourself around them. They don't judge to how ugly or sinful you are.

But unfortunately for them, I still keep some things to myself - like who are the people I wrote about in this blog. No matter how they try to dig it out. Kehkehkeh.

Backtrack

On March 2nd 2009, I posted a Note on Facebook. Inside are all these questionnaires. One of 'em reads:

20) Met someone who changed your life?
      No

A few months after that, I did.

And I'd like to change my answer now : Yes.

of men getting married

"You should buy a house now. When are you getting married?", asked a friend to him.

He was smiling all the way, and I heard he mumbled something.

What? What did he say? I wanted to ask, but thot it was kinda inappropriate. I know I will regret not asking, coz now I will never know.

The one thing I know is that I do not want to live the day he gets married. Or even announce that he is. Ok la, probably less dramatic la. I do not want to be there the day he announces. I don't wanna listen to that words coming out from his mouth. I'd probably choke, vomit, cry & faint all at the same time.

In another news, my old crush is getting married next week!

Don't mind that, but what's funny is that the way his stepmother talks about him. According to her, he is the most decent guy on the planet. All work, and no women.

Laugh Out Loud to that, stepmother!

You do NOT have the slightest idea of how your stepson is.

Oh well then, let it be. Can't wait to see what his wife looks like. She's from Indonesia and from the same ancestors, I guess. Good for this old crush of mine.

But for him, no. I better make plans to migrate now. Or else I have to be here when the day comes.
Oh God no.

You can doubt, and you can hate

The message

Arwah Bapak came into my dreams last night. It was in my old school back in Muar - Sekolah Convent. I was a teacher there, and he was the principle.

He was old, as old as he was when I last saw him. I knew it won't be long before he had to leave me. The whole day at school I followed him around, coz I know I'll miss him when he's gone. And then at dusk that day he told me he'll be passing on. I hugged him tight. I didn't want to let go, but I had to.

And then I stood by him until he vanished. Immediately I was awaken by azan Subuh.

The weird thing is, the whole morning before I got to work, I kept thinking of him. I feel like I haven't spoken to him in ages. I missed him. But the fact that he scolded me in his texts made it worse. Even if it's my fault. I wasn't in the mood to talk, eat, or work.

Imagine having to deal with your already-heavy-PMS-emotions, and all of these came along. At one point I had to pause and went crying my eyes out in the loo. I came back in the office red-eyed, all the time looking down at the floor and wishing nobody would want to talk to me. Thank goodness nobody did.

Anyway...

Maybe Bapak came back to wake me up from my slumber. Maybe Bapak was trying to say that he's not happy because I haven't given him du'as. Maybe Bapak was saying that I'll be joining him soon. Maybe Bapak misses me.

For whatever reason you came, Bapak, thank you.

And I miss you. I miss you so much.

***************************

O Allah! Forgive him and have Mercy on him and give him strength and pardon him. Be generous to him and cause his entrance to be wide and wash him with water and snowand hail. Cleanse him of his transgressions as white cloth is cleansed of stains. Give him an abode better than his home, and a family better than his family and a wife better than his wife. Take him into Paradise and protect him from the punishment of the grave(and of the fire)
[Muslim; 2:663]

***************************

Lautuan api kan ku renangi

Sepanjang jalan aku termenung. Memikirkan tentang apa yg telah berlaku, dan yg bakal mendatang. Angin meniup sepoi mebuatkan aku hanyut dalam duniaku sendiri.

Sympathetic sorrow for one suffering, distressed, or unhappy

"He's outside riding a bicycle"

Immediately had a flashback on our childhood. He's pushing me on a blue bike while his sister is paddling another. We were having a bicycle race.

Good times.

I had to hold back my tears. Those were the days when there were absolutely no problems in the world. Happy and full of love.

I really hope he can see the light at the end of his tunnel. For the benefit of him, and his family. But what I wish for the most is for the wife to finally come to her senses. Please wake up. Please.

So I had a very emotional day today. Thinking about his turnout, also my other-non-important-stuff-that-I-shouldn't-mention-here-now. And it's just so happen that I am in my "Pre-Menstrual Syndrome" period, which explains the whole lot of emotions & food intake (which is so inappropriate if I were to explain on food in this post, so we'll get to this later).

I really pity him. At the end of the day, he's still family. I wish I could be of any help, but I'm struggling myself. Maybe he'll get his break one of these days.

I pray he'll be okay, InsyaAllah.

#igaddict

Am currently addicted to Instagram. So I can see myself posting more of my Alone Travel stories in days ahead. And tweets of my location & activities.

Alone Short Trip 1

Yesterday was one fine Saturday, and I really wasn't gonna spend it sulking at home. So I googled Pantai Remis & Pantai Morib. Both are beaches that's nearby the city, about 1 1/2 hours away. Google search for images showed me that the crowd of people are less in Remis compared to Morib. Also, Morib has a nice, decent recreational park and so I made my choice to go there.

Jangan. Jangan pergi.

Que Sera, Sera

Do I have a dream? Well, who are you to ask? My mother?!

Do YOU have a dream?

Of Sirap Bandung & Documents ?

A few years ago when I was about to make Sirap Bandung for Office's open house, I didn't let Spermajalang watch me do the mix. I won't even let him come into the kitchen.

Too dirty to be Bersih

This time I took my curiosity to another level - I was at the Bersih 3.0 rally Saturday afternoon to get a feel of the atmosphere.

Didn't actually join in the yellow or green protesters, though. To me this rally is too politically related. If our Election Committee is really biased and provided Bersih is done the right way - I'm up for it. Only for having a clean election, but definitely not for the unnecessary side topics of Ambiga's LGBT and I-believe-many-Malay's Free Education.

As for Lynas, I'm no expert but after watching many episodes of CSI and the movie Erin Brockovich, I think the possibility of it destroying our land and affecting the health and lives of the people there are high. But as what I saw yesterday, the green crowd was smaller, and generally everybody was too focused on PKR winning the next election anyway.

My 3-months-pregnant cousin was as pumped up to go as myself. So I brought her along - on her consent, mind you. Parked our car nearby the bus station at Jalan Pekeliling & took Star LRT.


Headed into the city and at the corner from Bandaraya to Masjid Jamek, we can start to see the crowd, police trucks & FRU team. Scary, it felt like we're in a war.





Our main plan was to go back and forth in the LRT only, but our stomach was growling like an angry lion! And so we stopped by Sogo to eat. Alas, Sogo was closed. So we had our lunch @ Old Town at CIMB beside it. It was really peaceful then. Around 1.30pm++.




Thinking of expanding our exploration, we head out into Jalan TAR, towards Dataran Merdeka. People have started to move out from Dataran & head towards Sogo for food, I guess. It was around 2.30pm++.





Upon our arrival at Semua House, the smell of tear gas was already there. Luckily I prepared 2 towels in the bag - apart from our own mineral water. Coughing & a little bit of teary-eyed, we headed to ESSO station in front of the police station opposite Sogo, where my cousin's husband & family were. They were the participants - somewhat deep in the crowd in front of Dataran Merdeka, and was hit by the tear gas. So yeah, they were very messy with reddish eyes & heavy sweat.

Everybody calmed down by then. The husband & wive was very glad to see each other again, alive and well. Myself on the other hand, was glad to meet them because one of the family members, the much younger cousin to be exact, is VERY good looking. So I was all smiles as we hung out talking to the uncles, sharing our experiences. He's not much of a talker, the cute one. He's one of those shy types. Which makes me want him more, right?



This was around 4-5pm++ and after everybody finished eating at the mamak shop nearby, police had already closed the road in front of the station towards Sogo. And suddenly the smell of tear gas filled the air again. Shop owner quickly announced that they were closing & shooed everybody out of the shop. It could be by this time, the incident of crowd attacking police car had happened.

We walked to Dang Wangi Putra LRT Station, heading home at last. On the way, there was a crowd with a cameraman doing an interview. Turned out somebody was injured at the legs. Blood was all over. I couldn't actually care less, I took the opportunity to get close to the cute cousin & asked what happened. He said he had no idea, and that was the start and end of my conversation with him.

A whole load of people was in the LRT area, queuing up to buy tickets & sitting down on the floor to wait. We joined them on the floor while waiting for the cute one to queue. Talked to a young girl participant, who shared her stories & told us about the flipped over police car, a few other attacks to police officers & vehicles, and there was a possibility that somebody died.



It wasn't a pleasant conversation. Who would be happy to hear of such riot? And mostly between the same race & supposed religion?

It's peculiar that they were the ones who shouted "Allahuakbar" at the start of the rally, and yet they are the ones who did all the violence. This is an absolute disgrace to our own race & religion. On the bigger picture, obviously an embarrassment to or country. We were known for our culture & the politeness of the people. And now it's on CNN, BBC, Al-Jazeera and all other world news for our violence.

It's shameful.

On another side note, after getting a slight hit of the tear gas, Coke has never tasted bad! My throat & taste buds was in a bad condition. But I was happy & glad that I get the experience that I came for.

So no, this is not Bersih. With the trash that was left on the roads afterwards, this is even further than Bersih. And no, to me Bersih 3.0 was not a success.